It Never Adds Up

Sometimes
our paths cross
bisecting our lives
with love's compass
leaving a pinprick
in the centre
of our equation
piercing through
paper-thin feelings
falling unequally
on either side
of the sphere
leaving us
on parallel lines
stranded on
separate planes

Not a numbers game
Life seldom adds up
to a perfect sum

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Seasons of Passion

In this long dry summer 
my skin thirsts 
for the touch 
of your strong hands 
stroking caressing holding

Let the monsoon 
of your lips 
rain on my 
parched body 
reviving renewing refreshing

Fill me with the 
fiery red and gold 
of autumn 
as you colour 
my senses 
Possessing thrusting erupting 

Melt the ice 
encasing my soul 
Thaw the winter 
of neglect 
with your heat 
Burning scorching scalding

Open me up 
to the joys of spring 
so I can blossom 
once more

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Endless Night

When did looking ahead
turn into looking back
The path that stretched out 
full of promise and hope
is a weary road 
tarred with 
broken dreams 
shattered aspirations

When did a clean slate 
fill up with 
incoherent scribbling 
unfinished sketches
I set out to write my story 
in bright colours
glittering strokes
Over the years 
they turned into 
faded splotches
tarnished lines 

When did joy 
turn into despair
All the dreams 
reduced to nightmares
Every sunrise 
shone with optimism 
now it tells me 
I have another day 
to get through

Weary in body and mind
All I wish for 
is endless night 
so I can blend 
into the darkness

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Fading Embers

Every day 
it dies a little more
there is nothing left 
to stoke the fire 
that sparked 
when we first met 
burst into flame 
fuelled by our passion 
burned steadily 
fed by our love 

I watch its slow demise 
dispassionately, dry-eyed 
for these eyes have wept 
several monsoons

There are many more 
tears to shed 
but I dam them up within
for fear they will extinguish
the feeble glow
if I allow them to flow

I put on a brave face
a bright smile
The pretence tires me
It shows on your face too
Perhaps it is time
to let truth 
put out the embers
for we know 
no phoenix will rise
from these ashes

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Not The Words I Wanted To Hear

I waited for the words
I wanted you to say
I imagined them
swirling in the wind
wrapping themselves
around me
a warm cocoon
keeping me safe
in their embrace

But when you said them
they were not the words
I wanted to hear
Uncaring words
hurled heartlessly
Their sharp edges
shredded my skin
punctured my heart
lacerated my soul

I retreated
into my shell
hoping the balm
of solitude
would heal
my raw wounds
With the skein
of my unravelling
self threaded
through the needle
of silence
I laboured
to stitch my
tattered life
together again

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

No Pot Of Gold

Setting out
on a life 
full of promise

hopes
shattering
like raindrops
on concrete

Realisation 
dawned
too late

Like the sun 
that slept in
before
it remembered
to shine

only to highlight
life had drifted
way off course

So here I am
where I never
intended to be
Looking back

and wondering 
how different
things could
have been

had I followed
my heart
Instead
I force it
to follow me

to the end
of the rainbow
even though
there is 
no pot of gold

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Growing Up

I remember 
the first time 
I held you 
a warm
squirming bundle 
thrust into 
an unfamiliar world

I forgot
wide-awake nights 
spent rocking you 
to sleep 
your ceaseless wails 
driving me to tears

I remember
holding my breath
as you took
your first halting steps
and tumbled into 
my waiting arms

I forgot 
the knife-edge of fear
plunging into me
every time I thought
of you breaking free
to forge your own path

I remember 
my heart 
swell with pride 
as I watched 
my little girl grow 
into a young woman

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Coming Home

Another day's toil
is finally done
I lie on the plank of wood
that is my bed
A sore arm pillows
my weary head
but sleep evades
 my burning eyes
I count the coins
I have earned
They are not enough yet 
to bring me home to you
I fear they will never be

The black dust of the mines
is embedded in my limbs
I imagine it is your dark hair
entwined around me
The whites of my eyes gleam
like your fair skin
In the red I cough up
I see the rich earth
I used to till
Just as I watched the crop
grow tall and strong
do you watch
over our little one

Are her eyes are as green
as the bushes I planted
around our little house
her hair as red 
as the bricks I used
to build it
Do you tell her daddy
will come home soon
Does she sit with you
and gaze at the path
that winds its way 
through the fields
hoping to catch
a glimpse of me

A veil is drawn 
gently over my eyes
I am striding through
the lands that once were mine
soaring on the wind
through the blue skies 
I know so wellI 
I can see the blossoms
framing our humble abode
You are standing by 
the little brown gate
I see the love shining
in your steadfast eyes
as you try to hold on
to the writhing tot
straining to escape 
your grasp 
and run towards me
I drop to my knees 
hold out my arms
so I can hold 
my little one close
for the first time

As the  breath leaves my body
The coins tumble unheeded
from my lifeless hands
It doesn't matter...
I am back where I belong
I've finally come home

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Drifting

I will be fine, I say, weaving the reluctant words
into a blanket of pretence I wrap around myself 
not noticing the shroud of silence that it has become

I see myself as a romantic recluse
turning my back on the harsh truths
that will illuminate the lies I tell myself

The seclusion I profess to embrace with such ardour
silently digs its fangs into me, filling me with venom 
that poisons the courage I need to get through each day

The walls I've built crowd menacingly around me
The solitude I once craved is suffocating
All I have done is set myself adrift in an empty world

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Find Your Path

You're in a hurry 
to go beyond 
the confines 
of the only world 
you've known 

I understand 
There still are bonds 
I strain to break 

You've had your 
first taste of freedom 
enjoyed the thrill 
of discovery

I understand 
its seductive appeal 
I still dream 
of being free 
to follow my heart

You pull away 
willing to forsake 
familiar comforts 
to savour the thrill 
of the unknown

I understand 
I still look 
for a new passion 
to jolt me 
out of the rut 

Where once 
I fretted 
unwilling to let you 
out of my sight
I now realise 
the time has come 
to step aside 

I won't hold you back 
for I know 
you need to fly
And as you have grown
so have I 

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved