The Woman I Call Mother

The woman I call mother
opened her arms to me
when I was just three
took me into her heart
gave me her life
A love so strong
born deep within her
forged an
inexplicable bond
that holds us together

She didn't have
a fancy degree
learning it all --
Perseverance
Hard work
Undying faith --
in the school of life

She toiled to give me
all the love
encouragement
support
denied to her
She taught me
to always
give my best
do the right thing
pick myself up
and carry on
each time I stumbled

And yet I wonder
about the woman
who brought me
into this world
and left before her time
A woman so different
Confident
Educated
Secure

What kind of a mother
would she have been?
Would she have
taught me
differently,
shaped me into
someone other than
what I am today?

I never knew
my “real mother”
as she is called
To tell the truth
I never missed her
for I got all the love
a child can get,
and more
from the woman
I call mother


© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

A Lifetime Left To Squander

Hours drift by
like fluffy white clouds
across a clear sky
Transient thoughts 
darting across the mind

Imaginary conversations
fill empty minutes
creating scenes
all ending
in "happily ever after"

Time faded in a 
make-believe world
In the dark
the realisation dawns --
another day wasted

My mind wonders,
When will I stop
dreaming about you?
My heart says,
there's still a lifetime
left to squander


© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

A Difficult Truth

Night's torment shows 
in rumpled sheets 
a pillow dented 
by unsettled dreams

I sleep like the dead 
haunted by 
half-formed faces
locked doors 
that won't open

Sometimes, 
truth can be faced 
only in the dark 
for in the light of day 
it takes more courage 
than I possess 
to acknowledge 
the prison I am trapped in


© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Once in a lifetime

Oh to be seventeen again
feel the first stirring of love
when you don't know
what it is that has changed
within you, unfurling
like a rosebud
seeking the warmth
of the sun on its petals

Oh to be seventeen again
feel your heart race
like a steed at full gallop
Just a look
from those mesmerising eyes
and everything inside
melts into a gooey mess
like chocolate left out in the sun

The breath catches in your throat
the red blush of sunset
spreads on the sky of your face
at the touch of his fingers
you artlessly brush
as you hand him a cup of tea
that he leaves untouched

The liquid cools, unheeded,
much like you, unnoticed by him 
How could he not know how you feel
Surely it is visible in the
clear pools of your ardent eyes
Oh, he will see, he must, and
what's blossoming in you
will plant a seed in him

He will love you, he must,
you tell yourself
How could he not hear
the call of your heart,
as true as a bluebird's summer song.

Yet he is deaf
to your unsaid words
blind to the passion you hide
under a placid countenance 
He leaves, crushing
with careless feet
your hopes and dreams.

But your seventeen-year-old heart
does not yet know
what it is to break
With all the reckless ardour
of youth, it believes
  
Just a matter of time
just some more waiting 
His heart will tune in
to your song
Tomorrow, when he comes
you will see it in his eyes
It is meant to be
He will love you, he must
Your heart holds on 
to that thought, and
it is happy

Now, so many years later
the memory, still
indelibly etched
in your mind
The hope 
The despair
The tears
The heartbreak
Your first love
doomed to fail 

You smile now
wryly, sadly
He never did love you
He never realised
You survived
your heart mended
as best as it could
You moved on.You loved
but never in the same way again

That first love
Unsullied
Unparalleled
Unique
You love like that
just once
just once in a lifetime



© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

I call him Sam

Bold and bright 
he lures me to him 
a willing moth 
to his blazing flame 

No getting away, he comes 
with strings attached 
I wouldn't have it 
any other way 

I imagine him on me 
caressing my curves 
making me feel all woman

Resistance is definitely futile 
I succumb gladly 
to temptatìon; he's mine, &

I give myself to him 
peaking and dipping 
to his touch

With him wrapped 
around me, I look beautiful 
Ready to take the plunge, I stop
Did I just hear him say 

Don't get me wet

* if you are wondering who Sam is, he is my bright Brazilian bikini


© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Let it flow

To let the words flow 
without thought 
of profit or fame
Have them fall 
as they will 
to paint a story 
of the heart

To let time pass by 
unheeded 
at its chosen pace
Live in the moment 
without thought 
of past or future

To let yourself
love unconditionally
without thought
of want or need
Revel in the joy
of pure emotions
untainted by desire

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

In An Instant

The sun streams through the open window
gossamer curtains billow in the breeze
A bright morning full of promise

poisoned by a guilty face, clenched fists 

Warm smile fades, joyous greeting dies on lips
A sudden chill pervades the room
whispered words roar in ears 

vampires sucking the life out of the day

In an instant, a chasm splits
years of togetherness
Silence closes the door on a relationship

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Who Am I?

Sometimes I’m
the half-full glass
of possibilities, soaring on
hope's rainbow
wearing optimism’s
shiny cloak
convinced
the slide down
will end in the
pot of gold

& sometimes, I’m
the half-empty glass
drowning in sorrow
magnified by
depression’s lens
with despair’s jacket
heavy on shoulders
stooped in defeat

Never the full glass
of contentment
I so wish to be

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Stain of words

Words... 
my best friends
Spring blooms 
blossoming 
in love's sunshine
Bursting with emotion 
saturated with feelings 
they burst through the heart 
cavort in the blood
tremble on my lips

Words...
my worst enemies
Clinging to my lips 
they don't seek 
to soar on the wind 
glide on the breeze 
scatter their perfume 
Spurning the freedom 
to reach your heart 
they choose to wither 
and die unspoken

Words...
I slash my veins 
to release them
spilling their guts 
on the page 
The stain they leave 
speaks to me 
If you ever read them 
I wonder if you will hear
what they don't say

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Unspoken, They Die

Some words
seeded deep
within the heart

watered with love
nurtured with hope
coloured with desire

never to bloom
see the sunshine
feel the wind

They live
and die
unseen
unheard
unspoken

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

A Yearning

I long to touch him
Let my fingers 
memorise the grooves 
of his face 
let his essence 
soak into my flesh

I long to touch 
my lips to his 
breathe in 
the fragrance 
of his spirit 
taste the joy 
in his blood 
drink the sorrow 
from his bones

I long for the imprint 
of his bare skin on mine 
to wrap myself 
around his soul 
pour my passion 
into him 
feel myself shatter 
at his touch 

But he is not here 
and will never be

So I long to 
touch him 
with my words 
breach his mind
to read in 
his silence 
what he leaves 
unsaid

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Invisible Ties

Parallel lives 
never intersecting
and yet 
who is to say 
there is no bond 
between us 
We cannot reach 
across the divide
But we can still 
walk together a while 
It doesn't need 
a lifetime together 
to know 
some ties bind 
with unseen threads

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

No Pot Of Gold

Setting out
on a life 
full of promise

hopes
shattering
like raindrops
on concrete

Realisation 
dawned
too late

Like the sun 
that slept in
before
it remembered
to shine

only to highlight
life had drifted
way off course

So here I am
where I never
intended to be
Looking back

and wondering 
how different
things could
have been

had I followed
my heart
Instead
I force it
to follow me

to the end
of the rainbow
even though
there is 
no pot of gold

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Oasis of Salvation

Destruction 
ravages the mind 
A desolate landscape 
where faith struggles 
to gain a foothold 
Unsure of my steps 
I stumble in 
Inhospitable terrain 
of rocky disbelief 
A plaintive heart hears
the music of hope
rupturing the silence
of scepticism
Seemingly 
a mirage 
for the closed mind 
sees nothing 
But the soul 
still harbours 
a fragile hope 
From this 
fertile soil 
spring the 
first shoots 
of belief
a powerful faith 
guiding me 
to the oasis 
of salvation

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Set Me Alight

The merest whisper 
of your touch 
will set me afire 
Never have I wanted 
so much to burn 

A fleeting look 
from your smouldering eyes 
will reduce me to ashes 
Never have I wished more 
to be scattered to the winds

The faintest caress 
of your lips 
will reduce me to a 
quivering mass of jelly 
Never have I hungered more 
to be devoured

If you took me in your arms 
and held me close 
all I would want is to 
meld into you
My parched body 
is the desert 
waiting for your welcome rain 
to douse the desire 
by setting it alight

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Stranded

Every bitter word
I see in your eyes 
straining to escape
the fraught bonds 
of a failed relationship 

so far from

the sweet taste 
of trust crossing 
from your lips to mine 
when I put my heart 
in your hands

turns into

stinging silences
widening into a chasm
without a bridge
to bring us back 
together

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Looking At Sound

I am looking at sound 
carve out a chasm between us
I cannot decipher 
the words formed by your lips 
What I say is not what you hear 
Sound paints a bleak picture
Perhaps the colours of silence 
will be brighter

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Heady Times

Sensuous nights of silk and lace
And the ardent look on your face
You took the lead and I kept pace
Wherever did they go?

Your lips found each peak and valley
Arousing me as you explored and dallied   
Often you detoured down an alley
Fingers trailing high and low

Moonlight set our skin on fire
We burned at the peak of desire
Of each other we never could tire
Our passion made the stars glow
   
Now I lie alone in my bed
Remembering all that we said
I let my heart rule my head
It now seems many lifetimes ago

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Unspoken Love

Let me 
lay my cheek 
in your palm 
one last time 
as I prepare 
to let you go 
and the tears 
wash away 
the sorrow 
of parting
leaving only the
bittersweet joy
of unspoken love

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Revenge of the Shadow

You blossom in colours, I’m always black
You sparkle in the spotlight, I slink in shadows
You walk free, I’m tethered to you

I grow and shrink constantly
You stay the same, your infinitesimal change 
cannot keep pace with me

If you look down, you will find
your true self laid bare for all to see 
I’m the secret you hide

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Deepest Cut

Each day 
much like 
the one before 
the one after 

Nothing 
to tell them apart
the sameness 
a blunt knife 
making it 
excruciating 
to slice through
minutes and hours

Loneliness 
slashes me 
a sharp edge 
leaving scars 
on skin already
riddled with cuts

You don’t bother
to decipher 
my silences 
read my smiles 
understand 
my tears 

Unmoved 
by my touch
you evade
my arms
turn away
from my lips

One day
I hope
the cut
will go
too deep
taking me
beyond
all the pain

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved

Still A Believer

I’m tired of soppy love songs 
entwined hearts & red roses
pimpled young things
drooling over each other on the train
trying to merge into one another
as if there’s no space in the carriage
for two more bodies

It makes me sick
You could say I’m embittered or cynical
Some measure of truth in both
I’ve gone through that phase
I can’t see how anyone could emerge unscathed
Perhaps some escape with superficial burns
My scars run deeper

So I can do without protestations of fervent ardour
grandiose gestures that mean little
Share my silences, listen to what I don't say
we'll see if our definitions match
I still believe in love
just not the way I used to

© 2014 Uma Venkatraman ~ All Rights Reserved